Getting Real

Two weeks ago, I was having discipleship at the SLC, the tutoring center for UC Berkeley. Scattered throughout the atrium are small square tables that can seat up to four, meant for students to have a lax study area and a place for group work and tutoring. Looking around the room, it seemed like at least half of the tables, meant for academic tutoring, were taken up by some Asian American fellowship meet-up. Left AND right from where I sat, I saw another Asain girl leading someone else in some type of Bible study.

Perhaps some of you may think, "How awesome." But I was thinking, "What a bunch of robots. I'm just doing the same Christian stuff as the other girls."

It's so easy to be sucked into the Christian bubble, especially in college, which is a whole other separate world in itself. I started to wonder if all my actions were just a way to fit into this "good Asian Christian girl" cookie-cutter model. Discipleship, QT, small group, meeting, meeting, meeting. And not only meetings, but a particular personality type too. Friendly, kind, bubbly, and "godly."

Is this for real?

Jesus is more than just ministry. He was about realness with the Father, and realness with others.

I never really celebrated Halloween, but I decided to go hang out with Quincy in SF on Saturday night. Walked through the Castro district...three years ago, never would've thought I'd get myself into a place like that. But before going, my prayer was that God would break my heart from what breaks His.

Castro: crazy place. People were nuts, costumes were extravagant, it was a sad place.

But... are the people there really all that different from Christians today? Am I any different?

It's so easy to hide behind my ministry costume. But I just wanna be real with Jesus and real with others.

Maybe I need a break from this ministry stuff and come back to Him as I really am, not who I want people to see me as. Yeah.