Prone to Grumble

"Compare this week in your spiritual life with the same week last year to see how God has called you to a higher level. We have all been brought to see from a higher viewpoint. Never allow God to show you a truth which you do not instantly begin to live up to, applying it to your life. Always work through it, staying in its light."


My Utmost for His Highest, March 27


About a year ago, I came back to ICA. About one year ago, I wrote:


I don’t know how to describe the experience of coming back. It has made me feel wicked small…that’s the least I can say.

Why? Because I left this church for really selfish and sinful reasons. My surface-level b.s. answer was that I wanted to find a church with single working sisters, people like me, in my stage of life.

But, deep, deep, oh deep down, down in my heart, it came down to this: I believed I needed a better church. A church that had a bigger congregation of committed people, perfect ones. A church that had a more “successful” ministry. A church that wasn’t made up of a bunch of weirdos…(Weirdos, you know who you are. I love you guys dearly, but you are so, sooo weird.)

I thought I deserved better. Ministry was easy for me, following God was easy, doing my quiet times was easy. It didn’t make sense to me that it wasn’t “easy” for everyone else. Obviously, I was in the wrong place…right?


1 year later...

1. The ministry is thriving. The Spirit is breathing new life into the body.
2. I serve with a team of some of the most committed and humble people I've ever worked with.
3. If you want to witness pure devotion to Christ, meet the freshman I disciple now. Her childlike faith spurs on my own.
4. My Chinese parents have been stunningly supportive. It's amazing to see Jesus transform my parents' hearts. 
5. The sister I serve with is someone who deeply desires to know Christ and the power of the gospel. She's what I love about Christians when I actually love them. I usually hate them.

AAAAAALLL this and more! AND YET


Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble Grumble


I've had these intense tirades with God for the past couple months about how I don't want to be here anymore. He guides me towards the next step of obedience, He shows me the next step in the journey of knowing Him, He answers my prayers and fulfills my desires and needs...


My reply: "I hate this. Can I quit now?"


I seriously deserve to be kicked in the ass. Dude, my God is patient.


Instead of kicking my ass, He silences me...at the cross.


Godliness with contentment is great gain. But circumstances never dictate contentment. Christ does.

Superpowers

DUDE

I handed a post-it with some info on it to my coworker.

We heard this huge ZAP when my finger came in contact with hers.

That shock ended up going from my hand to her left hand into her right hand which was on her computer mouse and it KILLED HER MOUSE. The red light under the mouse disappeared, the computer couldn't detect any signals anymore, and HR had to replace her mouse.

I KILLED A MOUSE WITH MY FINGER.

...for those of you who know what I do for work...AHAHHAHAHahahahhaAHAHa. What irony.

Next time you give me a hard time for hating physical touch, remember I'm just trying to spare you from dying young.

Life is funny.

Time Flies

Time flies. A lot of things change. My wardrobe does not. Ahahhaaha (The jacket was only intentional in 2012)

Happy Birthday, Ashley! <3

Midnight. March 13, 2009. 19 years old.

Midnight. March 13, 2010 20 years old.

Midnight. March 13, 2011. 21 years old.

 
Midnight. March 13, 2012. 22 years old.

My job is done! I don't have to love you anymore!!!

Just kidding :)

Who would've known my two weeks in Cal Band my senior year would lead to this? I've stayed up more times until midnight on March 13 than January 1.

I should just quit everything in life after two weeks. Ha.

Perhaps God has us spend time with others so that seeing His hand at work in another's life will help us trust Him with our own.

You are amazing, God.

This Is My God

"There's a resurrection at the opposite end of everything God brings you into."

-Tim Keller

Two ways. Life or death. The path of obedience often seems like a highway to death.

But!!!

Oh the glorious BUT.

The Joys of being Jie

I'm terrible at asking people for help. My sister is the exception.

Rest

January 16, 2012

My drive back up from San Diego:

Majestic rays protruding from the clouds as the fog clears.
The grand Pacific ocean on my left.
My view from the rear view mirror: Jack and Steven with mouths agaped, fast asleep. So cute.
To my right: Tammy in shotgun curled up in the corner, also fast asleep. Sooo cute.
Singing along with my favorite worship songs while zooming along a traffic-less freeway...for another 10 hours.

All this after an intense weekend of none but Jesus.

It's rare for me to have moments like this. Moments when my heart sings, "This is the way life should be."

Just three days prior, I started listening the David Crowder's final album. As Crowder sang "Oh great God, give us rest," my eyes watered. Oh, how I thirsted for it it. Not physical sleep, but the peace that surpasses all understanding. All I was feeling was the torment that comes in an overthinking prayerless life.

It was comforting to see the college kids sleeping, at rest. My coworkers love watching their kids sleep. I looove watching my sister sleep, and sitting on her when she's sleeping.

In the same way, I bet God loves to see us at rest.

I get tired trying to impress. Trying to earn my worth. It's exhausting to be someone I'm not. For the majority of my life, I've been trying to meet a made-up standard for myself that I cannot attain. And to make it worse, I hide my insecurities behind a busy schedule. I have this aptitude for falling into a pit called of the "pride of busy-ness."

Yet the truth of the gospel is that rest only comes in the forgiveness of Christ on the cross. Rest comes in the acceptance offered by grace at your worst. Rest is believing so deep within your heart that the standard is met only in His perfect righteousness. And in Him, I am perfect. Rest is Truth, and the freedom that comes with it. It's a beautiful humble confidence.

This is my God.

:)

Wanna see something else that's almost as cute as sleeping college students?

Click. Heheeheheee.