A lot of things are changing. People are leaving left and right. I just stood still for a very, very long time in my empty apartment staring at my desk, covered with photo collage gifts of the friendships God has placed in my life these past five years.
Last night, David, Wendy and I laughed for three hours over how awkward our friends are. I can't believe two of my best friends are going to be 300+ miles away next year. :(
24 hrs later, after both commencements have passed and I've said bye again and again, I think I can say this with certainty: I'm so scared.
I don't think it's a coincidence that many of the encouragement notes my friends gave me for graduation quoted the same proverb.
"Trust in the Lord with all your heart, and lean not on your own understanding. In all your ways acknowledge him, and he will make your paths straight."
Proverbs 3:5-6
I'm shivering with sadness.
Jesus, help me trust that...
your mercies are new every morning,
and your grace is sufficient.
It's just the beginning.
Friday, May 21, 2010
Friday, May 14, 2010
Distracted
I have a final exam tomorrow.
But I'm only a graduating senior in college ONCE.
Might as well embrace senioritis while I have it.
I decided that my final study "break" was...blog worthy. After this, I'm going to stop blogging so much. Really.
Recipe for a 5 hr study break:
1. Friends!!! <3
Everyone else is done.
2. Food
Dinner from the Public Market after sampling 10 different chicken pieces.
3. Creation
Today it was at the Emeryville marina. I've been there 4 times already in the past two weeks.
4. Sunset
Eat and freeze.
5. Eying distracting books
We went back to Borders to "study" a little more before happy hour at 10. I was distracted by a book that I just happened to eye. Forget sex hormone pathways, I need real tips.
6. Reading distracting books
What book was I holding? Back of book said "get married in a year!" Oh, baby.
7. Reading more distracting books.
Oh geez, a whole table of distracting books. The break-up one in the very corner was quite intriguing, and the picture on the front cover was a pint of ice cream. Gawsh, women. Why are you so predictable.
8. Bieber Car Rides
To Emeryville, to BART, to Berkeley, to Emeryville, to BART, to Skates, and back home. Praise God no one was hurt, and ears were still in tact.
9. Beer
I love Skates.
10. Love
I added this...just to make it super cheesy and even off my list at 10. Hahaha, this is my precious lil' bro Dawson and me. SO STUPID :D But love does make a huge difference.
I wonder when my next study break is going to happen.
Everyone's leaving the bay area. I wish everything would all just stop.
:(
But I'm only a graduating senior in college ONCE.
Might as well embrace senioritis while I have it.
I decided that my final study "break" was...blog worthy. After this, I'm going to stop blogging so much. Really.
Recipe for a 5 hr study break:
1. Friends!!! <3
Everyone else is done.
2. Food
Dinner from the Public Market after sampling 10 different chicken pieces.
3. Creation
Today it was at the Emeryville marina. I've been there 4 times already in the past two weeks.
4. Sunset
Eat and freeze.
5. Eying distracting books
We went back to Borders to "study" a little more before happy hour at 10. I was distracted by a book that I just happened to eye. Forget sex hormone pathways, I need real tips.
6. Reading distracting books
What book was I holding? Back of book said "get married in a year!" Oh, baby.
7. Reading more distracting books.
Oh geez, a whole table of distracting books. The break-up one in the very corner was quite intriguing, and the picture on the front cover was a pint of ice cream. Gawsh, women. Why are you so predictable.
8. Bieber Car Rides
To Emeryville, to BART, to Berkeley, to Emeryville, to BART, to Skates, and back home. Praise God no one was hurt, and ears were still in tact.
9. Beer
I love Skates.
10. Love
I added this...just to make it super cheesy and even off my list at 10. Hahaha, this is my precious lil' bro Dawson and me. SO STUPID :D But love does make a huge difference.
I wonder when my next study break is going to happen.
Everyone's leaving the bay area. I wish everything would all just stop.
:(
Tuesday, May 11, 2010
Crazy
I read something crazy in Matthew today.
13When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place. Hearing of this, the crowds followed him on foot from the towns. 14When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick.
Jesus had compassion on the crowds that followed him. Then he fed them.
If I were in Jesus' sandals, I'd be like, "DUDE LEMME DO MY QT, DAMNIT!"
Jesus is the man!
13When Jesus heard what had happened, he withdrew by boat privately to a solitary place. Hearing of this, the crowds followed him on foot from the towns. 14When Jesus landed and saw a large crowd, he had compassion on them and healed their sick.
Jesus had compassion on the crowds that followed him. Then he fed them.
If I were in Jesus' sandals, I'd be like, "DUDE LEMME DO MY QT, DAMNIT!"
Jesus is the man!
Monday, May 10, 2010
Unexpected
5 years ago, as an ambitious 17-year-old still waiting to hear back from colleges, I planned to spend 4 years at Yale, go to medical school, meet my holy husband, and then go overseas to serve as a missionary doctor and become the next female version of Hudson Taylor. The thought of not getting along with people didn't even occur to me. My life was going to be perfect.
5 years later, I look back to my years in Berkeley and remember:
1)barely passing many of my classes and being rejected and humiliated by the world 2) feeling hurt like I've never hurt before 3) and somehow becoming a combination of Hitler and Oscar the grouch and letting people down over and over
Yet, I can still say it was perfect, because...
my God is a living Redeemer.
There is just too much evidence of His grace for me to doubt I'm in the wrong place. A quick glance at the type of people God has placed in my life is more than enough.
I've been reluctant these past weeks to invite people to celebrate graduation with me because I have failed in so many ways.
But this morning, I realized that life isn't about celebrating me. Ahaha. SILLY ME.
It's about rejoicing in God's redemptive and perfect work, in progress, through Jesus alone.
ONE MORE WEEK OF FINALS, BABY!
:)
5 years later, I look back to my years in Berkeley and remember:
1)barely passing many of my classes and being rejected and humiliated by the world 2) feeling hurt like I've never hurt before 3) and somehow becoming a combination of Hitler and Oscar the grouch and letting people down over and over
Yet, I can still say it was perfect, because...
my God is a living Redeemer.
There is just too much evidence of His grace for me to doubt I'm in the wrong place. A quick glance at the type of people God has placed in my life is more than enough.
I've been reluctant these past weeks to invite people to celebrate graduation with me because I have failed in so many ways.
But this morning, I realized that life isn't about celebrating me. Ahaha. SILLY ME.
It's about rejoicing in God's redemptive and perfect work, in progress, through Jesus alone.
ONE MORE WEEK OF FINALS, BABY!
:)
Sunday, May 9, 2010
A Little Random
While chopping chicken with my right hand, my mom says
"Why do you use your right hand? You're left-handed. Justin Bieber plays guitar with his left hand."
"Why do you use your right hand? You're left-handed. Justin Bieber plays guitar with his left hand."
The Same Way You Would Eat An Elephant
This semester, I've been attending this really large church on Sundays in San Jose called Westgate Community Church. They have four services every Sat/Sun packed with lovely white people and their coffees, and I look forward to every Sunday and leave super duper encouraged. It's always such a God-exalting refreshing place to start off my week...GAH I LOVE IT :D
It's so large though that I don't really know anyone there. That's the one thing that I wish could change. My parents and sis go to the Chinese church down the street while I go to the big Caucasian one. Even though I sit in the same area every Sunday, I always see new faces and I don't recognize anyone. It's kinda sad. With school all the way in Berkeley, I haven't been able to get plugged into a small group because all of them meet during the week in San Jose. It's just too far away. Still trying to figure out what to do once I graduate...
Nevertheless, I was still reminded today of how wonderful people can be when they know God's love.
Today was mother's day. As a token of appreciation, the church handed out a little bag of Lindt chocolates to all the moms in the sanctuary in the middle of the service.
On my right sat a mom with two daughters. Her daughters were about my age, maybe a little older. When this mom got her bag of chocolates, she opened it, and turned to me and said, "I want to share this with you."
I was so surprised, but smiled and thanked her. And I was also quite happy, because I LOVE CHOCOLATE.
Then I sat through the rest of the service, looking at the chocolate, with tears sporadically streaming down my cheeks.
Why the hell did I cry?
I'm not really sure. I was just so touched by her kindness. Even though I wasn't even her daughter, she still loved me like a mother would.
There are ways that God makes you, you. If you just take that and quietly bless people next to you, even strangers, it can be a huge blessing.
After the service, I tapped her on the shoulder and thanked her for her kindness.
She smiled so warmly and gave me a gentle hug.
That is how you change the world for Jesus.
God reminded me of how one can be salt and light for His glory. The same way you would eat an elephant. Little by little. Small things truly matter.
It's so large though that I don't really know anyone there. That's the one thing that I wish could change. My parents and sis go to the Chinese church down the street while I go to the big Caucasian one. Even though I sit in the same area every Sunday, I always see new faces and I don't recognize anyone. It's kinda sad. With school all the way in Berkeley, I haven't been able to get plugged into a small group because all of them meet during the week in San Jose. It's just too far away. Still trying to figure out what to do once I graduate...
Nevertheless, I was still reminded today of how wonderful people can be when they know God's love.
Today was mother's day. As a token of appreciation, the church handed out a little bag of Lindt chocolates to all the moms in the sanctuary in the middle of the service.
On my right sat a mom with two daughters. Her daughters were about my age, maybe a little older. When this mom got her bag of chocolates, she opened it, and turned to me and said, "I want to share this with you."
I was so surprised, but smiled and thanked her. And I was also quite happy, because I LOVE CHOCOLATE.
Then I sat through the rest of the service, looking at the chocolate, with tears sporadically streaming down my cheeks.
Why the hell did I cry?
I'm not really sure. I was just so touched by her kindness. Even though I wasn't even her daughter, she still loved me like a mother would.
There are ways that God makes you, you. If you just take that and quietly bless people next to you, even strangers, it can be a huge blessing.
After the service, I tapped her on the shoulder and thanked her for her kindness.
She smiled so warmly and gave me a gentle hug.
That is how you change the world for Jesus.
God reminded me of how one can be salt and light for His glory. The same way you would eat an elephant. Little by little. Small things truly matter.
Wednesday, May 5, 2010
Forgiven
While chillin' at the Emeryville Marina:
Vicky: "God, how am I supposed to forgive this person. I'm scared shitless of ever being hurt like that again."
*Long silent pause*
Then, God diverted my eyes from the sunset to the water before me.
God: "Look at the waves in front of you, washing the shore clean. See how they come, one after the other, unceasingly. That's how I forgive you and make you clean. Over, and over, and over. That's the only way you can forgive. Because I forgave, forgive, and love you."
"Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little."
Luke 7:47
Sometimes getting majorly hurt allows you a to catch lil' glimpse of just how deep His love can be.
Vicky: "God, how am I supposed to forgive this person. I'm scared shitless of ever being hurt like that again."
*Long silent pause*
Then, God diverted my eyes from the sunset to the water before me.
God: "Look at the waves in front of you, washing the shore clean. See how they come, one after the other, unceasingly. That's how I forgive you and make you clean. Over, and over, and over. That's the only way you can forgive. Because I forgave, forgive, and love you."
"Therefore I tell you, her sins, which are many, are forgiven, for she loved much. But he who is forgiven little, loves little."
Luke 7:47
Sometimes getting majorly hurt allows you a to catch lil' glimpse of just how deep His love can be.
Sunday, May 2, 2010
Saturday, May 1, 2010
Do You See Anything?
Do you see anything?
NO?! Right?
...Crack, dent, scratch? It's all there.
Yeah, I'm good? Ahaahaha
Good.
Cuz I'm driving home now and showing my parents.
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