I Lost a Piece of My Heart Today

Today was a really awesome day. There were two things that happened that made me go bananas. Not kidding. It was like, ridiculously good. When they happened, I was just like, "WOW GOD. REALLY? ME?!"

And so I took Michelle and Moon to celebrate with me at Fenton's. After ice cream, we get in the car and we back out of the parking spot. Didn't see a green pole behind me cuz it was shorter than what I could see through the rear window/mirrors, but strong enough to...

leave a nice scratch in the back and crack the rear light cover. It's barely noticeable...but it went from looking like a brand new car (it's an 08) to not so brand new, but still new. Luckily the green paint came off with nail polish remover. And good thing I didn't bring my new car to Berk yet, but still, my poor parents' 08 camry now is scarred. Well, maybe it's got character.

When I heard the sound, my heart sank.

It really sank. It was so heavy.

BUT IT COULD'VE BEEN SO MUCH WORSE.

So I am still a very very very lucky gal today.

Life was too sweet today. It had to have some bitter added to it.

That's why dark chocolate is so much better than milk chocolate.

Hahaha, I bet you really want to get in my car now.

I promise you, even if I can't drive/park/unpark, I will entertain you with amazingly stupid and catchy music. In English AND Korean.

And to think my heart sinks this much when my car gets a little scratch, I think I'd die if I had a kid and he/she got hurt.

Weird how a car getting scratched reminds me of God's infinite deep, deep, DEEEEEP love for his children.

Research

work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work work ...

experiment doesn't work.



the body God gave you is incredibly complex. so frikin' complex. just don't get cancer. or it's gonna be...more complex. -___-

Noswad, Don't Go

My buddy Dawson is going overseas for missions in China for a year. I love it when people go overseas to love God's people. But I'm sad he's not going to be around.

He was the little brother I always wanted.

We were

high school musical,
jammin' in morrison,
dancing,
studying,
starbucks,
yogurtland,
mcdonalds,
gospel choir,
the office,
beer and pizza,
stupid and catchy music,
earbuds,
and awkward third wheel

buddddaaaayyyyyys!!!

He saw me eat like a ravenous beast and called me a ravenous beast, and still sat by my side, hangout after hangout.

Aw man, I hate saying good-bye. Stupid tears, go away.

Dawson, thanks for the fun years. I can't wait to see how you will continue spreading your Jesus joy. Keep rockin' out to Justin, dude.

Maybe we'll be aptmates when you come back. That would be sick. :P

My Favorite Pick-Up Line

Holy Guacamole. This guy on BART just did a horrible job hitting on me from Ashby to MacArthur. TOO much testosterone.

Jesus came to the rescue and saved me with a transfer station.

I was thinking after he left, "Bah, if only I had not missed that 1:19 train I wouldn't have had to deal with that."

But something good came out of it too.

I got a good laugh as I remembered my favorite pick-up line.

Two years ago, this fobby guy who was apparently madly in love with me asked me to have lunch with him. Because he had the guts to ask, I agreed after uh, rejecting the first couple times.

I didn't know he was non-Christian until we had lunch that day, and I kept probing him with questions. Poor guy.

Me: Wait, do you even believe in God?
Guy: "I believe in God today because you finally agreed to have lunch with me."
Me: *Silence*
In my head: HahahahHAhahhahaAHhahaha.

Pick up lines that revert glory to God.

Is this what they call missionary dating?! :P

After today's experience on BART, this actually seems kinda cute.

I Can't Call It A Lame Excuse

"The most often repeated commandment in the Bible is "Do not fear." It's in there over two hundred times. That means a couple of things, if you think about it. It means we are going to be afraid, and it means we shouldn't let fear boss us around. Before I realized we were supposed to fight fear, I thought of fear as a subtle suggestion in our subconscious designed to keep us safe, or more important, keep us from getting humiliated. And I guess it serves that purpose. But fear isn't only a guide to keep us safe, it's also a manipulative emotion that can trick us into living a boring life."

-Donald Miller, A Million Miles in a Thousand Years

I was just totally inspired by this book to bike across the country. With my dad. It would be such a painful, life changing, and God-exalting experience to see the sunrise and sunset and everything in between, on a BIKE.

After reading this book, I walk back home and call my parents.

Me: Mom, ask Dad if he wants to ride across the country with me on a bike!!! 7 weeks, 10 hours a day.
Mom: Are you crazy. Stop dreaming.
Dad (in background): I already ran a marathon.
Me: But wouldn't it be such an awesome thing to do?!
Dad: I already ran a marathon.
Me: But, but...but it'd be so cool!!!!!!!!
Dad: I already ran a marathon.

Speechless.

Maybe I'll try again next week.

Man Points

Two guys and a girl go to a bar. They order two pomegranate margaritas and a Guinness Stout. Can you guess who ordered what?



Thank the Lord that manliness is not marked by how pink your drink is. Or is it? Hahaha :D



I've been thinking a lot about what it means for a man to be manly.

There are the guys (and girls) who are totally into themselves. And there are those who are into themselves and throw in the word "God," but they are still so full of themselves. They just hide it better, making it even worse. I tend to act like this, and I tend to like guys like this. Danger.

Instead, a good, solid, manly man (AND quality woman) is marked by how much glory they give to the One who deserves glory. And this is done, where no one can see-->in the heart. But out of the overflow of the heart a person does speak.

There's people who fear people. And then there's those who fear the Lord. And it's pretty obvious to me when someone fakes the latter, only because I've done it so many times myself.

Thankfully, by God's grace, there really are people who genuinely try to seek God's glory above their own. Key word: genuinely.

I was so blessed to hang out tonight with two brothers who are able to drink pink drinks because they know glory belongs to the One above. Okay, perhaps that's not why they ordered the margaritas, but it is refreshing to hear people boast in something praiseworthy. God.

David and Dawson: If this blog post makes you proud in any way because I just kinda said you were awesome, just remember, you ordered a pomegranate margarita and I ordered a manly Guinness. :P Thanks for setting an example that humbles me and points me to His glory. You da man.

One Thing

There's one thing money definitely cannot buy:

The feeling of being forgiven.

Blessed.

Life hurts. I can't really imagine anything more painful than losing someone you love.

But I was reminded this morning that to be blessed = to have Jesus by my side, God with me.


Within the past 24 hours, I cried
1) while watching the Chris Brown wedding entrance on youtube
2) while witnessing a complete stranger get baptized in church and say the words "I am so thankful"
3) while listening to my little sister sing out her soul on her violin during her concerto performance

And OH my,

tears of JOY are

SO MUCH better

than bitter tears

...even when you're hormonal.

You Know You're Ready to Graduate...

...when everyone on campus looks like a younger version of that person you met freshman year.

It's actually really strange.

Next pt.

This morning, I was particularly thankful for two things.
1) Dancing.
2) College.

It's been a wild five years. Struggled day after day to find my identity in school, physical health, ministry, boys, anything really. But then, when I finally took my frikin' eyes off of myself and forgot about me, me, me, even for just a moment,

I could see

GOD ALMIGHTY

pouring out His overwhelming love through Jesus, His Word, and His people.

And golly gee, HWAT a sight that is.

On BART this morning, I had another teary eyed commute as I began to reflect upon how God is in absolute control. People really have no control who comes in and out of their lives.

There are some things money really can't buy. Especially in college, when you don't even have money. And it's not really legit to use my parents' mastercard all the time either.

1. Quality runs with quality people.


2. "WANNA GET YOGURTLAND?!?!"


3. Deep conversations on beautiful hikes.


4. Singing "Happy Birthday" in 20 different keys and celebrating one life after another.


5. Hearing people worship late at night.


6. Pillow Talks


7. Watching people grow and learn.


8. Taking non-Berkeley people to my fav Berkeley places.


9. Simpler Times = Drinking beer after gospel choir.


10. Being stupid just for the sake of being stupid.


And I discovered another one last night.


Forever on the dance floor.



Ah, who couldn't dance when God loves em'?!

Baby, baaaby, baaaaby, OHHHHHH!

It's Not About You

I don't know how many times David said those words in his message last night.

"It's not about you."

But I'm glad that with each repetition, it hurt, like hell.

Pride sucks, dude. It really sucks.

"The crucible is for silver, and the furnace is for gold, and a man is tested by his praise." Proverbs 27:21

I think this is my worst failed test in college.

Worse than my D in my last counterpoint assignment, worse than my 32/150 on that organic chemistry midterm. Even more miserable than that 3 hr physiology final exam when I just sat blank the entire time.

The past 2.5 years, I've made such a big deal out of...me.

During my QT this morning, I was trying to think back to when I started to be so bitter.

My conclusion: I think it was right after V-SET 07. The overseas missions experience was the most vivid experience of God's saving power that I had ever witnessed. It was ALL God.

But by the end of the summer, I was getting loads of comments like,

"You're my role model." "Vicky always points me to God." "You have such a giving heart." "Vicky's the evangelism machine." "If anyone could do it, it'd be Vicky." "You're totally going to be a missionary/pastor's wife." "I can't wait to see who your holy, holy man is going to be."

I was tested by praise. And I failed miserably. MISERABLY.

Once I received the praise I was itching for in the depths of my heart, I started believing I didn't deserve to be treated a certain way, that I didn't deserve to have certain people in my life. And everything was about me being happy...I no longer sought the joy of God's glory, but experienced the pain of seeking my own.

I think this is what I've observed in my life these past years.

Pride-->Frustration-->Disappointment-->Hurt-->Bitterness-->Sucks

Pride creeps up on you like I don't know what. But it's horrible, and I'm usually too prideful to admit that it's there.

If you don't believe me, go ahead, be proud. It's going to suck. I've cried so many stupid tears because I've been so focused on myself when GOD is constantly giving and working.

My feelings of bitterness have been probably the most selfish thing I could've done with my problems, and I struggled with bitterness for months, years.

Yeah, grossness. :(

Today, while running Western Blots in lab and giving a journal presentation in class and taking notes in lecture...all I could think about was, EEEEWW!

It was a really strange day.

The sad thing about pride, is that once you realize that you're prideful, you think you're humble, and then you become disgustingly proud again.

So how does one become humble? I am NOT the person to ask.

CJ Mahaney's book "Humility" is pretty decent, but I think in theory it comes down to Jesus.

There's hope, HOPE, HOOOOPE!!!

When the temple curtain was torn as Jesus breathed His last, 60ft x 30ft x 4in of cloth was completely split and God extended His hand to us, as prideful and dirty as we were.

Today, God still offers His hand, His grace, His blessing.

Wow.

We can still be new creations, in Jesus.

Prone to wander, Lord I feel it,
Prone to leave the God I love;
Take my heart, oh, take and seal it,
Seal it for Thy courts above.


I think someone's praying for me. Because this week has been really weird.

What The Crazay

I've been reading through Proverbs for quiet times. That's pretty sweet.

I've also been dreaming through Proverbs as I sleep.

...WTF?

Usually, I never remember my dreams. I can probably recall a total 5 simple dreams in my life.

BUT DUDE. Get this.

Sunday Night's Dream

"Do not boast about tomorrow for you do not know what tomorrow may bring"

I am in doctor's office and I'm diagnosed with breast cancer and doctor tells me I'm going to die. He shows me the images, test results, everything. I remember being unable to breathe, and then asking God to help me breathe, and then getting really scared, and then I'm just sad for the rest of the dream as I say goodbye to loved ones, but I learned to accept it and look forward to being with Jesus. Good thing Jesus came into the picture or else I would've been really sad. And oh yeah, I started being nice to people. Ahahah.

Monday Night's Dream

"A joyful heart is good medicine..."

My parents do something really funny and I laugh wicked hard. In fact, I was laughing so hard that I woke up the next morning, and my roommate Michelle tells me, "You were totally laughing out loud in your sleep last night."

Okay, that was a bit of a stretch for dreaming Proverbs, but I thought it was fun anyways.

Tuesday Night's Dream

"Faithful are the words of a friend, profuse are the kisses of an enemy."

I get rebuked by the girls that I disciple/led in Bible study in the past. And I dream about the process of learning humility. It was... kinda intense.

Wow, WEIRD.

Difficult Shoes

I always had the impression that girls had it tougher than guys when it comes to relationships.

But this past weekend, I realized: SUCKS TO BE YOU, BOYS!

I thought I made it hard for guys to get me when I made these 3 men my standards: 1)My Dad 2) Francis Chan 3) Jim Halpert.

As if these standards aren't high enough (if you think 2&3 are unreasonable, #1 is by far the craziest), I think what's even harder is to be the guy I'd actually be willing to love and serve to the point that I'd SHARE my parents with him.

This weekend, I heard my parents pray for my future husband. It was one of the most beautiful prayers I've ever heard.

Dear Future Husband,

I think one of the nicest things, and maybe THE nicest thing I will EVER do for you, is share my parents with you.

You have no idea how lucky you will be not because of me (noooo way, hozay), but because you get to learn from the most God-fearing awesome people I know.

And to make things more difficult for you, yesterday, one of my college friends (whose taste in men I totally approve of) told me that my dad was HOT. At age 52.

You have VERY difficult shoes to fill.

GOOD LUCK, SUCKA! At least my parents are praying for you. :)

<3,
Vicky

Apologies

For all of you who read the Vicky word, "WOWmazing," as "WOMANizing," I apologize. Over the years, quite a few people have told me they misread my favorite word...

Ahahahaha. Sad!



Tangent:

Oh man. Jay Sean totally made my week. I don't think I've ever danced this much in secret. Heeeee....or in public.

Speaking of stupid music, here's something I've been meaning to post for awhile...(Moon and Christine, be thankful this is here and not on facebook :P)

WARNING: Brace yourselves.

Why I will miss college

Refuge

The church is where some of the most selfish, broken, needy, hypocritical people go.

Victoria Liu is a living example. If you don't believe me, read past blog posts.

During winter break, I think I started to understand why my parents always laughed when I said I wanted to be a missionary. They said I had no idea what I was saying.

...why didn't I realize years before that my parents are wiser than me!?

What they said was WAY true.

Ministry is home of some of the most painful relationships. Not that I'm really the one to say that. I can't even imagine...what it's reeeeally like.

BUT then when you get to see how awesome it is

when GOD! works

and

the messed-up people

come to know the love of Christ.

Beauty in Ashes. Transformation, humility, joy.

Why is Jesus so wowmazing? :)

Easter's coming!