About a year ago and two months ago, Jesus said to me: Feed my lambs
When I heard that, the faces of the girls of my college fellowship flashed through my head, one after the other.
And I FREEEAKed out.
"NO GOD! I DON'T WANT TO LOVE YOUR LAMBS. IT'S TOO HARD. NO WAY, GOD. I'M DONE, SPENT, OUT. NO NO NOOOO!"
And so I left that church, kind of. They have...actually been a bigger part of my life than I had anticipated, but I still left.
This morning, as I was sobbing at the wheel in an empty parking lot, I said: God, I'm so tired.
Jesus said: Feed my lambs
I said: But I'm so lonely.
Jesus said: Tend to my sheep
My response: I can't. I caaaaan't
Jesus said: But I love you.
So here's the end of the story: I think after wandering around for a year and a couple months, the Spirit is leading me back... because His grace is there, and His grace is enough. We'll see how it goes.
I'm like a mix of the prodigal son and Jonah. I ran away from God's calling to love people and then checked out the big sexy churches instead. But you know what's really incredible?
Humble people who are obsessed with the love of Christ.
My brothers and sisters watched me run away and check out other big sexy churches after I basically told them, "Cya later! I'm moving on to something 'better' "... and yet they are also the ones who are welcoming me back, with immense joy.
Forgiven people. There's something about them.
Man, following Christ is pretty crazy stuff. You have no idea how hard I've been trying to run away from certain things. HA. But I seriously feel like I was eating with the pigs and then somehow came to my senses to realize the richness I had left behind.
Yet God is really good. These months of wandering around for a bit was necessary. Stay tuned for the story on that. :)
